Dear The Perfect Renee,
I am not afraid of you anymore. I remember lying on the floor, crying because I was so frustrated with my mediocrity. And of how much everyone wanted me to be you. I have no reason to be you, because unlike you, I was given the gift of Life, and unlike you, I am going to use it. Properly. I had forgotten that I was destined for greatness. Thanks for reminding me of who I really am and Who really is cheering me on.

Love always and forever, the Unperfect Renee P.

Dear everyone who has asked me about what college I want to go to/ What I want to become when I grow up in the past couple of months,

Don't ask me. I have an answer, but it's in my heart, and it's confidential. I don't want you to make decisions and judgments about me, based on how well your daughter/son did, or how well you did, because I am not them. I'm sorry I sound so arrogant, but I really don't like talking about these things. Love always and forever, Renee P.

Dad, I'm so, so sorry I was so cold to you on the phone.
If I could say this to you, I would: all this talk of making decisions about college scares the living daylight out of me. So much that I'm nearly apathetic about it all. I used to be vigilant about it, but now, when it actually matters, I can't put my feet in the water. I'm so, so sorry I'm a coward. Please teach me how to be courageous. Like you.

I love you and Mom and Rachel and Grandma unfathomably. I'm sorry I'm like this.

whenever i am reminded of my Lord's unfathomable Love, it's like rediscovering all over again. and again. and again. 

i just hope someday i can be in love with a man as purely and beautifully as Christ is in love with me.

it is in times like these that i find that i have on the most ridiculous looking studying outfit conceivable. :3

my eyebrows are stuck, i think. and it hurts!

why they're in a temporary frown, i haven't got a clue. it's actually kind of funny, but not really. ahem.

>:/

i thought no one actually read this thing, but apparently, according to the new blogger tool thing, i get quite a bit of traffic from russia and ukraine! that's actually really exciting! now, i understand that it may be some random server or a creeper, but still. i don't even update it, and i might have a person who cares! :D

3 a.m.

i have been forced to run laps since the beginning of the semester because i'm in bpe. consequently, i have noticed my stamina increase and my weight decrease, but in addition, have noticed the decline of my appetite. while i recognize the benefits of such an effect, because it has led me to eating more healthily, and less, it is scaring the living daylights outta me. i cannot even remember the last time i turned away food because i wasn't in the mood for it; i say no to pie and cake because the thought of its sugary sweetness makes me want to gag; i had to force myself to eat at noon today because i didn't have an appetite, even though my stomach was raging. dear God.

'tis been a day.

need a song to dance to after school while eating ice cream? here you go.

"I don't want to put you in a cage; I want to love you."

why i love this movie: you see the boy's pain, instead of the girl's. reminds me that not all boys are hard-headed, sex-minded scary people.

and I have torn my soul apart from pulling artlessly with fool commands
Some nights I just never go to sleep at all
; and I stand
shaking in my doorway like a sentinel, all alone
bracing like the bow upon a ship and fully abandoning
any thought of anywhere but home, my home.

i've been meaning to write this for ages, but i've only got around to it now. it's not nearly finished, but i thought i should post it for what it's worth.

the tale of how dream-sharing got started.
best title in the world ever, i know.

this blog is a dump. don't worry about any of this.

the universe of the movie inception is strangely fascinating to me, and i've done some research about getting details in my story correct.

1) this video was created by chris nolan to make his movie seem more logical and realistic. it describes how the military began using dream-sharing, on one account talking to a darren bartel, who occurs in my story.

2) i found this very interesting bit of information on the internet. it is, in fact, the operating manual to the device used in the movie that allows dream-sharing. it's curious because it doesn't actually exist, but...

my sister and my mom have been in the habit of waking up at 7 o' clock a.m. this week to do "things." yesterday, they dragged me along for a really awesome walk at leita thompson garden (i think that's what it's called) and this morning, we went plant picking at mabry farm! it's surreal that this full-fledged farm is literally across the street from where i live. but anyway, we got some really nice apples and tomatoes.

hi everybody! in model un last year, we came up with a "joke resolution" a la the wonderful world of harry potter. i consider it share-worthy, so i'll be posting it here: