8 January 2010

9:49 P.M.

Dear Lord,

I saw a video today about two people in love with each other, who got married with You right between their hold matrimony every step of the way, ever since they had met. You knew they would be together.

I don't know why I love marriage so much. The thought of pure commitment to a man and God sounds more delicious than anything I can imagine. I know I am young, but all I think of dating is just the path to marriage. Lord, I ask for You to grant me patience when facing the ticking clock of which is my life. You know exactly when I will fall in love and when I will meet my future husband. Or even if I have met him already. Please give me the patience to sit back and say, "You are in control, and I thank You for that. Grant me Love when You know I deserve it." I have no idea what on earth my life would be like without You. Thanks for not giving up on me. I love You indescribably, I do.

Also, I was watching the couple's story of how the young man proposed. They were on a hilltop and they had a Bible study before they had a very personal Talk with You, God. And then he got on one knee and asked her to spend the rest of her life with him.

God, my heart is completely touched by that story, to see You at work in both of their lives and to see You in the middle of that wonderful relationship. Is it selfish to ask for an absolutely God-fearing marriage for me and my future husband? To want to be proposed to after a Bible study and an emotional prayer with You, begging for guidance and peace within our troubled hearts? Oh God, I want to learn to be patient enough to deserve that.

Furthermore, I want to just let go with the freedom with the I find in You. I sometimes feel embarrassed, annoyed, or against You, especially in public, and I am tired of it! I know a Christian should want to spread Your Love and be very open about it, so why do I feel annoyed and skeptical to join that God 365 project on Facebook? I want to love You so much that I won't even be able to hold it in. That I will be so engrossed in trying to be more Christ-like that, even if I do achieve a boyfriend in college, I will find the right man to want to do Bible study with him. Give me discipline to spend with You in the morning and peace in my heart, knowing that You are my forever humble guide.

I love You and I need You. I pray for this to become more and more like Your Son.

With love, I do pray, now and always,

Renee P.