Friday, January 21, 2011

the january 21st blog post:
MUSIQUE

1. favorite thing about 'the social network' = the score (and the script too, but...)



2. the composer alexandre desplat (coco avant chanel, the king's speech, etc.) uses a lot of piano for movie scores. it's really cool.


3. i am currently in the works of this flute sonata. it is making me furious with how hard it is, but when i master it... :)

4. beautiful, beautiful dutch singer. she is so beautiful. and the song too. ...:)
Look what i made!


Monday, January 17, 2011


THE PASSIVEs' RESISTANCE.
something trivial and silly i made up
that will (eventually, i hope) inspire everyone.
this is RESISTANCE TO PASSIVITY.
wanting it and taking the action to reach for it. not waiting for a fairy godmother to grant you anything, no matter how hard you wished.
I DARE YOU TO MOVE.
because watching girls being inspired by cinderella and not by, say, esther, is disheartening.
GET UP, GET UP.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011


dear spencer s.,
i hurt and am causing renee some pain over here.
love, streetfighter IV forearms


Monday, January 10, 2011


so i've been dealing a lot lately with being "left out." you know that feeling?
i've been trying to counteract such a horrible, guilty emotion with thoughts of, "don't be jealous, renee, because you're so blessed," etc, but it keeps creeping back on me and i have no idea how to stop it.

but really, my point is, i think of ways to say, "i don't need to go to that party! i don't need to see that movie with those friends!"

"i have homework to do to preoccupy my time because i'm smart and...and..." i begin to shamefully cry. i hate that quality about myself, that i'm a self-pity person. and i think of ways of how my life could be greater than theirs, that i see myself ten years down the road as this successful designer living in nyc and being so confident with myself that i don't need love at all to fill any voids. i'll just read my duct-taped Bible with hooded eyes and get on with my life, and i'll find parties with my cool new yorker friends.

but this is the problem: that's what i want for myself, this whole vision of the future, but i don't act on it. at all. i don't make any moves to step in that direction. i just sit on facebook, sulking, and wonder why i am such a slave to life. i really am tired of being passive. being passive has its downs. and downs have no health. i just gotta stop being passive.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

there is absolutely nothing i more right now than to know how to dance.
watch this twelve-year old chinese girl dance. what even.

here comes another inspiration phase: first bikes, then poetry, now dancing. come and get it.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

how. dare. you.
speaking so highly of the Father, putting so many Bible verses on your myspace page.
in case you forgot, your albums are explicit and your brain's fogged up with weed, you filthy hypocrite.
i could die with how angry you make me.
8 January 2010
9:49 P.M.

Dear Lord,
I saw a video today about two people in love with each other, who got married with You right between their hold matrimony every step of the way, ever since they had met. You knew they would be together.

I don't know why I love marriage so much. The thought of pure commitment to a man and God sounds more delicious than anything I can imagine. I know I am young, but all I think of dating is just the path to marriage. Lord, I ask for You to grant me patience when facing the ticking clock of which is my life. You know exactly when I will fall in love and when I will meet my future husband. Or even if I have met him already. Please give me the patience to sit back and say, "You are in control, and I thank You for that. Grant me Love when You know I deserve it." I have no idea what on earth my life would be like without You. Thanks for not giving up on me. I love You indescribably, I do.

Also, I was watching the couple's story of how the young man proposed. They were on a hilltop and they had a Bible study before they had a very personal Talk with You, God. And then he got on one knee and asked her to spend the rest of her life with him.

God, my heart is completely touched by that story, to see You at work in both of their lives and to see You in the middle of that wonderful relationship. Is it selfish to ask for an absolutely God-fearing marriage for me and my future husband? To want to be proposed to after a Bible study and an emotional prayer with You, begging for guidance and peace within our troubled hearts? Oh God, I want to learn to be patient enough to deserve that.

Furthermore, I want to just let go with the freedom with the I find in You. I sometimes feel embarrassed, annoyed, or against You, especially in public, and I am tired of it! I know a Christian should want to spread Your Love and be very open about it, so why do I feel annoyed and skeptical to join that God 365 project on Facebook? I want to love You so much that I won't even be able to hold it in. That I will be so engrossed in trying to be more Christ-like that, even if I do achieve a boyfriend in college, I will find the right man to want to do Bible study with him. Give me discipline to spend with You in the morning and peace in my heart, knowing that You are my forever humble guide.

I love You and I need You. I pray for this to become more and more like Your Son.
With love, I do pray, now and always,
Renee P.
please check out my other blog, made for my journalism class at school. it is themed now, with an emphasis on design. i thought it might help me get into design school @ georgia tech if i had a design blog, hah!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011


i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite a new thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh … . And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you quite so new — E.E. Cummings.

Monday, January 3, 2011

a lot of the people from my middle school know me for my writing.
i used to write. a lot. very well.
now i don't write a thing anymore, and people at high school have forgotten that renee p. writes either.

well, i tell you, it's not that i'm not writing because my ideas are subdued. it's because there's this one fervent idea that speaks tumultuously to me, like a fresh breath mixed with drowning. people who have ideas such as these know these ideas can burns holes in paper. but i can't put the idea down. it almost has a life of its own, like an animal in a cage that shrinks away from me whenever i try to surface it. i try weaving a beautiful story from this idea, and all that i spit out are tragic narrations and letters that make me, the author of these letters, cry when i find them months later. these letters are of a horrible, tragic love that i have never even experienced before, and i cry as if these letters are from the narrator, not from me. this idea is nearly eating me alive, and the problem is, i'm afraid this idea will become my existence and reality. it sounds frightening and creepy, but i'm not joking.

I realized I haven't done one of these in maybe two years. No one reads them anyway, so I'm not putting it on my Facebook.

The last time you kissed someone, what color of shirt were they wearing?
i can't even remember the last person i kissed. does this mean i need to kiss people more often?

What city is the person you wish you were with in right now?
new york city. gahhh, everything's in new york but little old me. h8 mai lyfe

What are your plans for the day?

math.

What did you have for breakfast?
in short, i eat a lot in the morning.

What kind of booze did you last take shots of?
i don’t drink.

What are you wearing currently?
guatemala-esque tank top, shorts, tights, socks, pull-over, puffy outdoor jacket. my house is freaking freezing.

What color of hair do you find the sexiest on the opposite gender?
usually something dark.

Have you slept over at a member of the opposite sex’s house in their bed?
no, i haven't.

Who last slept in your bed besides you?
gosh, that was like 4, 5 years ago...possibly amanda...?

Is your spring break shorter this year?
y, is urs

What time did you wake up today?
9:30 am, because, guess what (you're going to be so proud of me) i went to bed
before midnight!

If the last person you had sex with asked you to date them, would you?
secks 4 n00bs.

How long until your next birthday?
nine months.

...?! gosh dang...


What color is your car? (Or the one you drive most often)
silver-ish. would you call that silver?

What celebrity did your most current ex resemble?
i have never had an ex.

What size of jeans do you wear most often?
i don't even know. my jeans are a size 1/2, but they're stretched out and i haven't bought jeans in a while. so i don't really know my jeans size.

What’s your favorite kind of cereal?
i really like that cookie cereal. but my mom never buys it, so i only eat corn flakes.

What’s something you want to purchase next time you’re at the mall?
idk. if it's going to be anything, it's probably going to be shoes/bath stuff.

How long have you been single? (Or dating your current interest)
i have been single all my life. sighs.

When you lost your virginity, were you sober?
i still have my virginity, you doofus.

What was the last movie you watched?
before sunset. go watch it. now.

Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy?
jokingly. i seriously got excited for a moment until...l i realized they weren't being serious. :|

If you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose?
either all time low, because they throw a party, or florence and the machine, because she is my hero 4ever.

Do you think your best friend’s significant other is attractive?
you mean matthew gray gubler? :3

Do you own any books written by musicians?
no, but i've read some.

Do you find adding unnecessary spaces and periods annoying?
i will hit you if you use too many spaces. it makes me go cross-eyed or something.

Are you addicted to anything besides nicotine or caffeine?
biting my nails/nail polish. sometimes even the mirror.

Do you call anyone “sexy”?
me, duh.

What is your favorite type of science (chemistry, biology, etc.)?
muggle studies.

What is your opinion of the movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail?
british humor is...interesting...

Do you believe you’ll find someone better than who you’re with now?
FOREVER ALONE.

Do you know what an indigo child is?
i seriously
just wikiapedia'd it. does this mean i'm an indigo child too? /LOLno.

What do you think is your most attractive feature?
nothing.

So, in the Bible doesn’t it say that Hell’s located under the earth’s surface? And that it’s a lake of fire? Pretty much? Isn’t it interesting that there’s lava and such under there? If God isn’t real, how’d they know?
1) you have no idea how to write a questionnaire.

2) i am a Christian, and i believe God is real. hell's not literally beneath the earth's surface.

Why does religion cause so much war?
because people think that differences must be oppressed.

Can insanity bring on more creativity?
i think so. don't they make movies about stuff like that?

Ever felt as if a teacher was thinking of you in a lustful manner?
ugh, gross!

Do you hate it when people make fun of the person you like/dated?
hahahaha, they do it all the time. it's not a problem,
i just shoot them in the face later.

Are you attracted to people of a specific nationality?
BRAZILLLLLLLLL

2(n - 5) = 10(n + 15) Can you do that?
gross.

Do you think some of the stuff we’re taught in school is useless?
i'd like to think that, but i'd also like to think that i'll be in mortal peril later in life and knowing trigonometric sum-to-difference formulas will save my life.

Can you speak more than one language fluently? What languages?
not fluently. :/

Does it bother you when people make grammar/spelling mistakes?
i mean, the occasional spelling mistake isn't bad, it happens. but if u typpe lyke dissss!!1 (:, then i will never talk you ever again.

Does your best friend have a tattoo?
not that i know of...:)

What is the rudest thing that someone has done recently to you?
some people say things the rudest ways. like a certain piccolo player.

What annoys you the most about Facebook?
when i'm sending a suicide note to the boy i've been in love with all my life and it doesn't actually send.

no i'm just kidding.

Who was the last person to annoy you?
people of which will be unnamed. you're lucky, you person.

Old school Nintendos were the best, yes or no?
i guess...?

Which is more fun, Sonic The Hedgehog or Pacman?
well, i have never played sonic the hedgehog, so i don't know.

Do you think your ex is hot/cute?
i...don't have an ex...

Are looks really everything?
depending on who you ask. if you're talking anna nicole smith, then HECK NAWWWWWW

Which would be worse, dying in a fire or drowning?
dying in a fire, definitely. the only pain oriented with drowning is really only the panic associated with it.

Is there anything drawn on your shoes?
no.

If someone you hated dropped his money, would you take it or give it back?
give it back.

Nintendo or X-Box?
um, x-box?

Would you rather have the ability to fly or the ability to read minds?
fly. some people's minds are dirrrrrrrrrtayyyyyyyyy

If you had to pee would you be able to hold it for an hour?
i have done it before! it is one of the worst pains i have ever known.

Have you ever kissed someone who’s name starts with M?
um, no.

Who’s funnier, Will Ferrel or Steven Martin?
well, i like steve martin's humor better.

Wasn’t Heath Ledger the best Joker there ever was?
yes, but i wouldn't say by a long shot.

Have you ever opened up to somebody, but then they basically threw it all away?
kind of. they weren't really even looking at me when i was talking.

Are you in any kind of emotional pain right now?
not consciously. i prefer it that way.

Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?
no.

Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again?
no.

Can a boy and girl be friends without having feelings for each other?
hahahaha, considering that all of my guy friends have no feelings for me, i affirm this wholeheartedly.

Will your next kiss be a mistake?
i dearly hope not.

How many boyfriends have you had?
um...zero...:|

How many people have you had strong feelings for in the year of 2010?
this is an embarrassing question of which i will not answer. heh.

Think back 5 months ago, were you single?
yes, gosh dang it, they love to rub it in my face.

Can you commit to one person?
yes.

Last person you kissed start with a C, G, L, or B?
no.

Do you remember your dreams?
not for very long. one of my greatest ambitions is to invent a dream-recorder, where after you wake up, you can play the dreams back over again.

Remember where the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?
um, no.

Do you think exes can remain friends?
yes. i wish it happened that way all the time. seeing them not even look at each other anymore is so very, very sad. :(

When did you meet the last male you texted?
well, i can't send out texts, but the last person who texted me...i met him at band camp.

Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?
yeah, more or less.

If the last person you had a “thing” with got their heart broken, would you feel bad for them?
most definitely.

Have you ever in any way, been betrayed by someone you trust?
yes.

Are you texting the last person you kissed?
no, i don't text.


If you were caught cheating, would you fess up?
i will never cheat on anybody, never. i absolutely hate infidelity with all my being.

The last time you felt honestly broken?
maybe a week ago.

Would you rather have ten kids, or none?
ten kids!! dude, i want people to fill up my house

Last person to see you cry?
i don't remember...probably some random person who caught me crying.

Be honest, do you like people in general?
yeah, pretty much.

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?
well, i don't know. after i'm married, hopefully, and at the rate i'm going, who knows when that will happen.

How old were you when you lost your virginity?
i still have it.


Does anyone completely understand you?
no.

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend or girlfriend smokes?
it matters a lot.

Do you think more about the past, present, or future?
a lot about the future. plenty about the past.

Would people refer to you as a goodie goodie, bad news, or neither?
i have no idea. probably a goodie goodie or something like that.

Who were you last in the car with, besides family?
ruthie.

Do you tend to fall for the same type of person over and over?
no, actually. haha, that's kind of funny to think i don't have a "type."

Have you ever been cheated on?
no.

Ever given your all to someone who walked away?
no.

Are you planning to get knocked up or knock someone up by age 17?
ew, gross

Have you ever made out in a bathroom?
no.

Do you think the last person you kissed is nice?
i am unkissed. you keep forgetting, i am too sexy for everyone.

Crushing on anyone new?
no, not really.

Last person you danced with?
my friends!

Would you take any of your exes back?
n/a

When is the last time you cried and why?
i don't know, maybe a couple of days ago from self-pity.

Last text from?

jake lieber.

Kissed someone in a vehicle?
nahhhhh.

Is there anyone you wish was still in your life?
yes. sighs.

What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
read revelation. that book is unceasingly fascinating.


Is heartbreak really as bad as it sounds?
i don't know. i've had mild heartbreak, but since descriptions of that have been applicable to me so far, i will say 'yes' to major heartbreak.

Have you dated people who weren’t good to you?
no.

Are you involved with anyone?
too sexy for that kinda stuff.

When is the next time you will kiss someone?
never.

Have you ever slept in the same bed with the last person you kissed?
no.

What were you doing at 10:30 last night?
cleaning my room/handwashing my dress. i sound like such a homemaker, seriously.

Are you listening to any music right now?
selfmachine by i blame coco.

Would you kiss anyone you have texts from in your phone?
probably not...

Have you ever told someone of the opposite sex you loved them?
not romantically.

Do you like to cuddle?
yes. :D


Do you think two people can last forever?
yes, i really do.

How many texts are in your inbox?
15-20. too lazy to check.

When is the next time you’ll hug someone?
i don't know...hm...

Who was the last guy you hugged?
harry.

Are you afraid of roller coasters?
i'm becoming better about them! :)

Is your hair longer than your shoulders?
yes. i'm thinking about getting it cut boy short because its length is starting to tick me off, but later.


Do you find it cute when boys/girls call you cute names?
yes. :3

Has any one ever told you that you’re beautiful?
yes. :3

Would you ever colour your hair brown?
yeah, sure. it would match my skin though. o_O

Think of the last person who said “I love you”, do you think they meant it?
yeah, i think so. hopefully. ._.

Have you ever kissed someone with tattoos?
no.

Have you ever gone camping?
yes. i found out that raccoons like watermelon and i'm a thorough city girl in the same day.

Out of Pizza Hut, Taco Bell, Or Subway. Which one do you love the most?
pizza hut has good pizza, but taco bell has cheap mexican food. hard decision.

Kissed anyone with the name starting with an B, D and J?
no.

Have you ever kissed someone the same night you met them?
no, but...i could always take the plunge.

Has anyone kissed you when you weren’t expecting it?
no.

Spell your full name without ‘C’,’I’,’R’, or ‘Y’
enee uma puvvada

Can you get over people easily?
not really or usually.

Do you still talk to the person who broke your heart the worst?
yes.

Is there someone you wouldn’t mind kissing right now?
i'm too sexy to be kissed.

Do you think there’s anyone that doesn’t like you?
yeah, plenty of people. sorry if i ever offended you. :(

Do you have someone who you can be your complete self around?
yeah, i think so!


Who was the last person of the opposite sex to text you and what did it say?
jake. he said something about school/homework related.

Is there someone you wish you were still close with?
yes.

Who was the last female you hugged?
my mother!

Who is someone you wish you could wake up to everyday?
james franco, cause he has a pretty face. but then i'll be like, 'WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED'