Monday, January 3, 2011

a lot of the people from my middle school know me for my writing.
i used to write. a lot. very well.
now i don't write a thing anymore, and people at high school have forgotten that renee p. writes either.

well, i tell you, it's not that i'm not writing because my ideas are subdued. it's because there's this one fervent idea that speaks tumultuously to me, like a fresh breath mixed with drowning. people who have ideas such as these know these ideas can burns holes in paper. but i can't put the idea down. it almost has a life of its own, like an animal in a cage that shrinks away from me whenever i try to surface it. i try weaving a beautiful story from this idea, and all that i spit out are tragic narrations and letters that make me, the author of these letters, cry when i find them months later. these letters are of a horrible, tragic love that i have never even experienced before, and i cry as if these letters are from the narrator, not from me. this idea is nearly eating me alive, and the problem is, i'm afraid this idea will become my existence and reality. it sounds frightening and creepy, but i'm not joking.

I realized I haven't done one of these in maybe two years. No one reads them anyway, so I'm not putting it on my Facebook.

The last time you kissed someone, what color of shirt were they wearing?
i can't even remember the last person i kissed. does this mean i need to kiss people more often?

What city is the person you wish you were with in right now?
new york city. gahhh, everything's in new york but little old me. h8 mai lyfe

What are your plans for the day?

math.

What did you have for breakfast?
in short, i eat a lot in the morning.

What kind of booze did you last take shots of?
i don’t drink.

What are you wearing currently?
guatemala-esque tank top, shorts, tights, socks, pull-over, puffy outdoor jacket. my house is freaking freezing.

What color of hair do you find the sexiest on the opposite gender?
usually something dark.

Have you slept over at a member of the opposite sex’s house in their bed?
no, i haven't.

Who last slept in your bed besides you?
gosh, that was like 4, 5 years ago...possibly amanda...?

Is your spring break shorter this year?
y, is urs

What time did you wake up today?
9:30 am, because, guess what (you're going to be so proud of me) i went to bed
before midnight!

If the last person you had sex with asked you to date them, would you?
secks 4 n00bs.

How long until your next birthday?
nine months.

...?! gosh dang...


What color is your car? (Or the one you drive most often)
silver-ish. would you call that silver?

What celebrity did your most current ex resemble?
i have never had an ex.

What size of jeans do you wear most often?
i don't even know. my jeans are a size 1/2, but they're stretched out and i haven't bought jeans in a while. so i don't really know my jeans size.

What’s your favorite kind of cereal?
i really like that cookie cereal. but my mom never buys it, so i only eat corn flakes.

What’s something you want to purchase next time you’re at the mall?
idk. if it's going to be anything, it's probably going to be shoes/bath stuff.

How long have you been single? (Or dating your current interest)
i have been single all my life. sighs.

When you lost your virginity, were you sober?
i still have my virginity, you doofus.

What was the last movie you watched?
before sunset. go watch it. now.

Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy?
jokingly. i seriously got excited for a moment until...l i realized they weren't being serious. :|

If you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose?
either all time low, because they throw a party, or florence and the machine, because she is my hero 4ever.

Do you think your best friend’s significant other is attractive?
you mean matthew gray gubler? :3

Do you own any books written by musicians?
no, but i've read some.

Do you find adding unnecessary spaces and periods annoying?
i will hit you if you use too many spaces. it makes me go cross-eyed or something.

Are you addicted to anything besides nicotine or caffeine?
biting my nails/nail polish. sometimes even the mirror.

Do you call anyone “sexy”?
me, duh.

What is your favorite type of science (chemistry, biology, etc.)?
muggle studies.

What is your opinion of the movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail?
british humor is...interesting...

Do you believe you’ll find someone better than who you’re with now?
FOREVER ALONE.

Do you know what an indigo child is?
i seriously
just wikiapedia'd it. does this mean i'm an indigo child too? /LOLno.

What do you think is your most attractive feature?
nothing.

So, in the Bible doesn’t it say that Hell’s located under the earth’s surface? And that it’s a lake of fire? Pretty much? Isn’t it interesting that there’s lava and such under there? If God isn’t real, how’d they know?
1) you have no idea how to write a questionnaire.

2) i am a Christian, and i believe God is real. hell's not literally beneath the earth's surface.

Why does religion cause so much war?
because people think that differences must be oppressed.

Can insanity bring on more creativity?
i think so. don't they make movies about stuff like that?

Ever felt as if a teacher was thinking of you in a lustful manner?
ugh, gross!

Do you hate it when people make fun of the person you like/dated?
hahahaha, they do it all the time. it's not a problem,
i just shoot them in the face later.

Are you attracted to people of a specific nationality?
BRAZILLLLLLLLL

2(n - 5) = 10(n + 15) Can you do that?
gross.

Do you think some of the stuff we’re taught in school is useless?
i'd like to think that, but i'd also like to think that i'll be in mortal peril later in life and knowing trigonometric sum-to-difference formulas will save my life.

Can you speak more than one language fluently? What languages?
not fluently. :/

Does it bother you when people make grammar/spelling mistakes?
i mean, the occasional spelling mistake isn't bad, it happens. but if u typpe lyke dissss!!1 (:, then i will never talk you ever again.

Does your best friend have a tattoo?
not that i know of...:)

What is the rudest thing that someone has done recently to you?
some people say things the rudest ways. like a certain piccolo player.

What annoys you the most about Facebook?
when i'm sending a suicide note to the boy i've been in love with all my life and it doesn't actually send.

no i'm just kidding.

Who was the last person to annoy you?
people of which will be unnamed. you're lucky, you person.

Old school Nintendos were the best, yes or no?
i guess...?

Which is more fun, Sonic The Hedgehog or Pacman?
well, i have never played sonic the hedgehog, so i don't know.

Do you think your ex is hot/cute?
i...don't have an ex...

Are looks really everything?
depending on who you ask. if you're talking anna nicole smith, then HECK NAWWWWWW

Which would be worse, dying in a fire or drowning?
dying in a fire, definitely. the only pain oriented with drowning is really only the panic associated with it.

Is there anything drawn on your shoes?
no.

If someone you hated dropped his money, would you take it or give it back?
give it back.

Nintendo or X-Box?
um, x-box?

Would you rather have the ability to fly or the ability to read minds?
fly. some people's minds are dirrrrrrrrrtayyyyyyyyy

If you had to pee would you be able to hold it for an hour?
i have done it before! it is one of the worst pains i have ever known.

Have you ever kissed someone who’s name starts with M?
um, no.

Who’s funnier, Will Ferrel or Steven Martin?
well, i like steve martin's humor better.

Wasn’t Heath Ledger the best Joker there ever was?
yes, but i wouldn't say by a long shot.

Have you ever opened up to somebody, but then they basically threw it all away?
kind of. they weren't really even looking at me when i was talking.

Are you in any kind of emotional pain right now?
not consciously. i prefer it that way.

Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?
no.

Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again?
no.

Can a boy and girl be friends without having feelings for each other?
hahahaha, considering that all of my guy friends have no feelings for me, i affirm this wholeheartedly.

Will your next kiss be a mistake?
i dearly hope not.

How many boyfriends have you had?
um...zero...:|

How many people have you had strong feelings for in the year of 2010?
this is an embarrassing question of which i will not answer. heh.

Think back 5 months ago, were you single?
yes, gosh dang it, they love to rub it in my face.

Can you commit to one person?
yes.

Last person you kissed start with a C, G, L, or B?
no.

Do you remember your dreams?
not for very long. one of my greatest ambitions is to invent a dream-recorder, where after you wake up, you can play the dreams back over again.

Remember where the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?
um, no.

Do you think exes can remain friends?
yes. i wish it happened that way all the time. seeing them not even look at each other anymore is so very, very sad. :(

When did you meet the last male you texted?
well, i can't send out texts, but the last person who texted me...i met him at band camp.

Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?
yeah, more or less.

If the last person you had a “thing” with got their heart broken, would you feel bad for them?
most definitely.

Have you ever in any way, been betrayed by someone you trust?
yes.

Are you texting the last person you kissed?
no, i don't text.


If you were caught cheating, would you fess up?
i will never cheat on anybody, never. i absolutely hate infidelity with all my being.

The last time you felt honestly broken?
maybe a week ago.

Would you rather have ten kids, or none?
ten kids!! dude, i want people to fill up my house

Last person to see you cry?
i don't remember...probably some random person who caught me crying.

Be honest, do you like people in general?
yeah, pretty much.

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?
well, i don't know. after i'm married, hopefully, and at the rate i'm going, who knows when that will happen.

How old were you when you lost your virginity?
i still have it.


Does anyone completely understand you?
no.

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend or girlfriend smokes?
it matters a lot.

Do you think more about the past, present, or future?
a lot about the future. plenty about the past.

Would people refer to you as a goodie goodie, bad news, or neither?
i have no idea. probably a goodie goodie or something like that.

Who were you last in the car with, besides family?
ruthie.

Do you tend to fall for the same type of person over and over?
no, actually. haha, that's kind of funny to think i don't have a "type."

Have you ever been cheated on?
no.

Ever given your all to someone who walked away?
no.

Are you planning to get knocked up or knock someone up by age 17?
ew, gross

Have you ever made out in a bathroom?
no.

Do you think the last person you kissed is nice?
i am unkissed. you keep forgetting, i am too sexy for everyone.

Crushing on anyone new?
no, not really.

Last person you danced with?
my friends!

Would you take any of your exes back?
n/a

When is the last time you cried and why?
i don't know, maybe a couple of days ago from self-pity.

Last text from?

jake lieber.

Kissed someone in a vehicle?
nahhhhh.

Is there anyone you wish was still in your life?
yes. sighs.

What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
read revelation. that book is unceasingly fascinating.


Is heartbreak really as bad as it sounds?
i don't know. i've had mild heartbreak, but since descriptions of that have been applicable to me so far, i will say 'yes' to major heartbreak.

Have you dated people who weren’t good to you?
no.

Are you involved with anyone?
too sexy for that kinda stuff.

When is the next time you will kiss someone?
never.

Have you ever slept in the same bed with the last person you kissed?
no.

What were you doing at 10:30 last night?
cleaning my room/handwashing my dress. i sound like such a homemaker, seriously.

Are you listening to any music right now?
selfmachine by i blame coco.

Would you kiss anyone you have texts from in your phone?
probably not...

Have you ever told someone of the opposite sex you loved them?
not romantically.

Do you like to cuddle?
yes. :D


Do you think two people can last forever?
yes, i really do.

How many texts are in your inbox?
15-20. too lazy to check.

When is the next time you’ll hug someone?
i don't know...hm...

Who was the last guy you hugged?
harry.

Are you afraid of roller coasters?
i'm becoming better about them! :)

Is your hair longer than your shoulders?
yes. i'm thinking about getting it cut boy short because its length is starting to tick me off, but later.


Do you find it cute when boys/girls call you cute names?
yes. :3

Has any one ever told you that you’re beautiful?
yes. :3

Would you ever colour your hair brown?
yeah, sure. it would match my skin though. o_O

Think of the last person who said “I love you”, do you think they meant it?
yeah, i think so. hopefully. ._.

Have you ever kissed someone with tattoos?
no.

Have you ever gone camping?
yes. i found out that raccoons like watermelon and i'm a thorough city girl in the same day.

Out of Pizza Hut, Taco Bell, Or Subway. Which one do you love the most?
pizza hut has good pizza, but taco bell has cheap mexican food. hard decision.

Kissed anyone with the name starting with an B, D and J?
no.

Have you ever kissed someone the same night you met them?
no, but...i could always take the plunge.

Has anyone kissed you when you weren’t expecting it?
no.

Spell your full name without ‘C’,’I’,’R’, or ‘Y’
enee uma puvvada

Can you get over people easily?
not really or usually.

Do you still talk to the person who broke your heart the worst?
yes.

Is there someone you wouldn’t mind kissing right now?
i'm too sexy to be kissed.

Do you think there’s anyone that doesn’t like you?
yeah, plenty of people. sorry if i ever offended you. :(

Do you have someone who you can be your complete self around?
yeah, i think so!


Who was the last person of the opposite sex to text you and what did it say?
jake. he said something about school/homework related.

Is there someone you wish you were still close with?
yes.

Who was the last female you hugged?
my mother!

Who is someone you wish you could wake up to everyday?
james franco, cause he has a pretty face. but then i'll be like, 'WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED'

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

"before sunrise"

a rare, cinematic glimpse into the emotions behind love. i love it.
i was scrolling through lists of classic romantic movies at two in the morning last night (note the lack of a social life). i noticed in every trailer that i watched that there was some sort of sex going on that was meant to fulfill the media's view of boy/girl relationships, except a few. this one was one of them. when i saw the trailer, my heart immediately began to race: even though i stare at modern romance movies with a dramatic stink eye, i was legitimately excited about this one. i tell you this right now: i came into the movie with hollow hope, and i came out of it with tears running down my face and my chest about to explode from...happiness.

i wouldn't recommend this movie to everyone, because it's mostly the two characters walking around and talking; very little action takes place. but it's not boring. it's amazingly the very opposite. the two characters only have one night together, and you just feel as if you were a ghost, peeking in on the unraveling romance between a girl and a guy. gosh, i love this movie. the sequel, before sunset, takes place nine years later, and is very much the same style of the first movie. but these movies are so indescribably honest i couldn't bear to watch any of those horrible chick flicks filled with sex anymore. never again.

Monday, December 27, 2010

because NLT are no longer together, the members are off to do other things.
one member, justin thorne, is now a member of the band 'one call.'
hopefully they'll get popular in a couple of months.

their singing voices are really quite marvelous.

this song is my personal favorite. my heart wants to burst at the lyrics:
if you must know, i'm on a findasmuchmusicinaslittletimeaspossiblerage.
there's nothing i love more than showing everyone music that i've found. even if most people won't like it. teehee.

'NOT LIKE THEM' AKA 'NLT'
you know artie from 'glee'? he used to be in this band! they're not together anymore though. :(
r&b, popish sound. they dance too.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

i can't believe i never posted this band.
THE NAKED AND FAMOUS
cool stuff from new zealand!



emotional love...

...and something more sexual.

i've listened to the backstreet boys seriously ever since i can remember. i just don't tell everyone because people would make fun of me...:) but their archaic pop music is not so different from the pop music playing on the radios nowadays, except really that the themes they sing about, mainly love, are about the emotions, and not the sex. to be completely honest, i want sex sometime in my life. but the other 95% of my life that's spent not making love, i want it to be spent pleasing my husband because i love him enough to die for him. i want that so bad. bsb's songs encompass pretty much everything i want in a relationship. it fills my heart and my mind. our emotions are so human. we sometimes forget we have them, including me.

m83's music is...indescribably good. i can't tell you why specifically, but i feel energized and peaceful at the same time? when i listen to it. i found them a while ago, but never really got into them because i was just getting into "indie music," and i wasn't accustomed to different sounds yet, if you understand me at all. but now they seem like everything and all of it and the past and the present of what my poor, diminished teenage self wants. i usually skip the songs related to bodies, sex, etc. but the song "skin of the night" is so transparent that i'm drawn to it like it was lifeblood or something. isn't the song grand, just grand?