On Monday I learned that Anberlin will shortly be breaking up.

When I heard the news my stomach dropped down to the floor. In my mind, for the past few years, I had known that Anberlin's vigor wasn't as strong as it once had been, but hearing my horrible nightmares come into fruition is terrible, terrible news. I mean, it's better than learning that your house has burned down while you were on vacation, but come on.

If I could write a letter to this band, I...don't even know what I'd tell them. They aren't necessarily my favorite band, but akin to Relient k, I owe myself to their music. I became the woman I am today because of them (if I could even call myself a "woman.")

I remember being so introspective as a kid, especially when I was eleven and twelve. I didn't have that many friends, so I had my drawing diary and Harry Potter and Narnia and Star94 on the radio and contemporary Christian music and that's how I viewed the world. I preferred being left alone, but battling internal demons at such a ripe, young age felt so one-sided but necessary. Admittedly, I was pretty mature for my age, so I never dared share my inner thoughts with my peers.

I remember the first Anberlin song I had heard was "Day Late Friend" on Pandora probably when I was twelve. Great jam. But, soon enough, we found Cities, and we spent a good bit of time dissecting Anberlin's simultaneously youthful but tormented lyrics. I felt that my introspection was finally justified; there were others who were as introspective as I, and they were older! boys! cool!

Some of those lyrics gave me a raison d'être. A justification. Christianity was painful. Christianity was heartbreaking and filled with anguish and sparkling tears. Christianity was holding tightly to a belief in new life, in an abstract concept called "grace," in a love so fiery that it transcends emotion. Anberlin, but notably Cities and The Orphaned Anything's, put my questions into words that didn't explain everything, but enough. I was so peaceful knowing that these cool, punk kids yearned to love the Christian God as much as I did.

If Anberlin should know anything, they should know that if they touched even a single life with their ministry, it would be mine. Not only that, but their music will always remind me of my relationship with one of the most important people in my life. Don't know if the feeling is mutual anymore, but there was a time when Anberlin and Relient k fused us together.

In seventh grade, I had an extremely difficult time persuading my parents to let me go to their concert (to the point of tears and heartbreak). When they finally let me go, it was great, but I intentionally made a repeat last November with Amanda during my first semester of college. My first semester of freedom. I will always view the juxtaposition of my college Anberlin concert and my seventh grade Anberlin concert as my gateway to independence, and fresh air, and freedom. I screamed my head off at that concert last November...I was free.  

I'm obviously angry and heartbroken about their breakup, but they had a fantastic little tenure.  

Godspeed.
Je vous remercie de tout cœur. À la prochaine.