"He must become greater;
      I must become less."


 A couple of months ago, I seriously wrestled with the concept of a God; I had been exposed to a lot of skepticism and arguments against the existence of a benevolent Creator that has our futures mapped out before we were even conceived of. I had had enough with the corruption of the Church, past and present, and became disillusioned by allegations of sex abuse scandals, murder, genocide, ignorance, all the chaos that seemed to be linked back to the Christian God, the same God that I dedicated my life to and had sworn my allegiance to. So, I found myself in a situation where I was to choose atheism or Christianity, because to me, other religions have it just as bad as the cult of Jesus Christ. I lingered over it, brooded over it, because I didn't want to make the decision immediately; denouncing Christianity scared me actually, because to not believe in a God meant to believe my purpose in life doesn't exist, and that my significance will ultimately rot in the ground under a mound of daisies just like everyone who has ever come before and ever will come after me. If I were to choose Christianity, I told myself I would belong to a throng of people that blindly believe in the unseen, who murder, abuse, and hurt people in the name of God. So I found myself in limbo for a couple of days, unwilling to believe in either school of thought, unwilling to "subject" myself to a set rule of beliefs. I completely disregarded why I had ever decided to trust in the Christian God in the first place and that I had been in the position in the past, skeptical of the existence of God.

Then I read my Twitter. And I read the same blogs I've read since the eighth grade. And I scrolled down Facebook. And I went to church, unwillingly and reluctantly, but with disbelief that church could change me. And I talked to my friends. I had surrounded myself with the people and the teachings of Jesus Christ for years, and inadvertently, I found myself surrounded on all sides by something extremely beautiful. It was joy.