{a february adventure.

the weather's been feeling like april. oh my gosh, it feels so good.
24 february 2010. i took a bike ride this afternoon for some exercise, but it ended up being pretty memorable. cloudy day. temperature was really quite favorable...

i pulled up next to highland plaza, secured my bike to one of the poles next to a garbage can (haha) and i went in to office depot and bought a notebook! all by myself! i felt pretty good about myself when i left...then i went to publix and filled up my water bottle. [all by myself ;)]

and then came the real deal...
i pedaled up the hill to sandy plains park, which was in many ways my home for 7-8 years. i used to play softball, and it was pretty nostalgic as i found myself there again. i got a lot of looks from people, probably wondering why i was there...but man, if only they knew...

then i saw a little girl in a batting cage. and i started crying. i never thought i was going to. i miss softball so bad.

i took a lot of pictures. i got inside a batter's cage and i put my foot on a pitcher's strip. i really wanted a ball and a glove. but it's over. maybe one day again, i'll throw around a softball just like i used to.

math is like love.
so infinitely impossible to understand wholly, but so beautiful when you can put little parts of it together in a tasty sort of arrangement.

- renee's wtheck simile of the day.

i am just numb. numb all over.

i came into the day rejuvenated and stimulated for a full day of honor band and a party afterwards.

i come out of the day wanting to melt with god-awful embarrassment and grief.

everything i had hoped for was deflated with a fantastically-quick whoosh, and now i realize that all i need is music and God. they've never let me down, but people do, because you put stupid, stupid hope in them.

God, just get me out of here.

sometimes i feel like i have a lot to say, but can't say them out loud.
one thing: hypocrites.
two thing: know your religion.
three: every freaking boy wears freaking polo.
four thing: valentine's day.

today's topic: boys and their stupid polo.
one of my really good guy friends wears a lot of polo ralph lauren (and he's one of very many). i had ap biology with him last semester, and i don't know if he thinks i'm exceptionally stylish or something, but he asked me one day, "renee, do i look shabby?" because our ap world history teacher had poked fun at him for apparently "looking shabby" that day.

all i wanted to do was throw a pencil at him and scream at the top of my lungs, 'U W3AR 2 MUCH P0L0 J3RK'

of course, i didn't, but later, i asked him one day, "why do you wear so much polo?"
he replied with a nonchalant shrug, "i like it."

however, he did no real damage to me until today. my bottlecap flew off today during my newspaper class, when my other friend, who is dating one of those "polo jerks" and generally hangs out with only "polo jerks" was asking me what to get her boyfriend for valentine's day. before i could even say anything, she says, "he wants a polo shirt. looooooook renee, you can monogram your own golf polo on the ralph lauren website squeeeeeeeeeeeee!!"

accidentally, i said something mean about how so many of the stupid guys in our stupid school are polo obsessed, and that all they wear is polo, khaki, and sperry's. i apologized, but the thing is is that i really don't feel like they all wear polo because they necessarily like it.

polo is safe, popular, and cool. it's sharp, but so needless to say, d. r. a. b.

what happened to individualism expressed through clothing? we might as well just all wear uniforms with a solid colored t-shirt with a stupid little polo logo on our front pocket! it's the brand name they like, it's the representation of the brand they like. i asked my friend, "why the heck would you get him a polo shirt?"

"it's cute!"

"it is so not cute. it's an expensive t-shirt with a little embroidery on it!" polo is so plain, gosh darn it! what also i really don't like is the fact that most of the guys who wear it have no idea what they are actually wearing. they're wearing the designs of mr. ralph lauren, the superstar himself, the utter epitome of classic and cool, the mind who made the brand an icon, and THEY DON'T EVEN CAREEEEEEEEEE

sir, if you want to be wearin' polo ralph lauren, dig out a black label suit and ditch those ugly sneakers. you'll be attracting a few more ladies at prom with that on than wearing stupid little polo playing men at school. URGH