"before sunrise"

a rare, cinematic glimpse into the emotions behind love. i love it.

i was scrolling through lists of classic romantic movies at two in the morning last night (note the lack of a social life). i noticed in every trailer that i watched that there was some sort of sex going on that was meant to fulfill the media's view of boy/girl relationships, except a few. this one was one of them. when i saw the trailer, my heart immediately began to race: even though i stare at modern romance movies with a dramatic stink eye, i was legitimately excited about this one. i tell you this right now: i came into the movie with hollow hope, and i came out of it with tears running down my face and my chest about to explode from...happiness.

i wouldn't recommend this movie to everyone, because it's mostly the two characters walking around and talking; very little action takes place. but it's not boring. it's amazingly the very opposite. the two characters only have one night together, and you just feel as if you were a ghost, peeking in on the unraveling romance between a girl and a guy. gosh, i love this movie. the sequel, before sunset, takes place nine years later, and is very much the same style of the first movie. but these movies are so indescribably honest i couldn't bear to watch any of those horrible chick flicks filled with sex anymore. never again.

because NLT are no longer together, the members are off to do other things.

one member, justin thorne, is now a member of the band 'one call.'

hopefully they'll get popular in a couple of months.

their singing voices are really quite marvelous.

this song is my personal favorite. my heart wants to burst at the lyrics:

if you must know, i'm on a findasmuchmusicinaslittletimeaspossiblerage.

there's nothing i love more than showing everyone music that i've found. even if most people won't like it. teehee.

'NOT LIKE THEM' AKA 'NLT'

you know artie from 'glee'? he used to be in this band! they're not together anymore though. :(

r&b, popish sound. they dance too.

i can't believe i never posted this band.

THE NAKED AND FAMOUS

cool stuff from new zealand!

emotional love...

...and something more sexual.

i've listened to the backstreet boys seriously ever since i can remember. i just don't tell everyone because people would make fun of me...:) but their archaic pop music is not so different from the pop music playing on the radios nowadays, except really that the themes they sing about, mainly love, are about the emotions, and not the sex. to be completely honest, i want sex sometime in my life. but the other 95% of my life that's spent not making love, i want it to be spent pleasing my husband because i love him enough to die for him. i want that so bad. bsb's songs encompass pretty much everything i want in a relationship. it fills my heart and my mind. our emotions are so human. we sometimes forget we have them, including me.

m83's music is...indescribably good. i can't tell you why specifically, but i feel energized and peaceful at the same time? when i listen to it. i found them a while ago, but never really got into them because i was just getting into "indie music," and i wasn't accustomed to different sounds yet, if you understand me at all. but now they seem like everything and all of it and the past and the present of what my poor, diminished teenage self wants. i usually skip the songs related to bodies, sex, etc. but the song "skin of the night" is so transparent that i'm drawn to it like it was lifeblood or something. isn't the song grand, just grand?

I finally know what to write about.

11 December 2010
I was in a foul mood that day, coming out of my last class of the day. I usually am in a foul mood at the end of the day these days, anyway.
I closed my locker and started walking towards the stairs, and I noticed him at his usual spot, at his locker, shuffling through some stacks of books and contemplating which ones to take home that day. He usually does this, and I usually say, "See ya," before he says bye with a smile.
I said nothing that day. My heart clenched as I began to pass him.
But, oh, how dare he.
My nerves were set on fire when he turned around and started talking. "Did we have any AP Bio homework?"
I stopped, said nothing, irritated, but shrugged. I wasn't sure if I succeeded, but I was trying in all my best efforts to set my eyes ablaze to his horror. I doubt it worked, because as I turned to keep walking, he said, almost in a desperate plea, "Wait, don't go."
Or was it, "Wait, don't leave"?
Just those few simple words left my heart, its place in my chest, feeling like it got pressed under a hundred pound weight. You know all of those cliches about people saying they can feel their heart breaking? It's not cliche, it's real.
Don't leave? Don't. Leave?
Leaving is for those who want to escape. Who want to no longer be around a person anymore. To forget something. Usually something painful.
How dare you even sound like you still want to be around me when I used to think we could have been the best couple ever? How could you "break up" with me because I am not a track star and drink soda and fall asleep in class. I'm sorry, I really am.
Just take me back. For those six months or so, I felt like I was wanted by someone of the opposite gender. Now I feel so hopeless I could cry. When I clenched my teeth at your so-called desperate plea, it wasn't real. I clenched my teeth because I wanted to fall into your arms and never feel offended again. I want you to still want me. Just anyone will do.
I wanted to say, "Don't leave? What do you want me to do, then?"
And I wished for him to say, "I just…wanted to talk with you."
"Talk about our futures and hopes and dreams and goals until the sun sets? It would be an honor."
Of course, it never turns out this way.
"You break my heart." - Demi Moore, St. Elmo's Fire.