i think i am going to cry.

cry, i think i am going to cry. cry. with the astonishment of how beautiful something really can be.

i have found the talent of kenny g. oh my Lord, thank You for people like him.

mctega.

at haley's part in last july, the party favors were a copy of nylon magazine. i instantly fell in love with everything about it, and i would like a subscription of my own, but you know, the rents would probably wonder why and i wouldn't have a very good reason.

anyway! i was looking through it the other day and noticed a bit that i had never actually read. there was a picture of a very interesting necklace and it was about a new company called mctega launched by two chicks who were premed students before going into fashion. science and math follow them into the visually ideal business. so i'm thinking, "well, this is pretty freaking rad."

that was a while ago and i finally went to their website to check out their stuff. and i nearly lost my breath when i saw them. oh my goodness, their necklaces are the most beautiful things in the entire world. i would love to just hold them in my hands.

http://www.mctega.com/index.html

trash those minconceptions.

so i was googling tactics on ways my crush will notice me more (oh gosh, i am so shallow) and i stumbled across some surveys about what guys think about girls.

for heaven's sake, no, we don't sit around all day comparing how big our breasts are!
that is incredibly offensive. why the heck would we do that anyway?! geez, that's so bizarre. i wonder what else they think.

fyi, me and my friends do a lot of constructive and technological work like recording videos and doing skits when we hang out. we sit out and talk, we watch tv, and take pictures. we don't compare how big our breasts are. omgosh, i am going to puke.

but i also did find out that guys think a lot like girls too: that they like eyes and smiles, clean women, and avoid players. i think that's really interesting because i, as totally evil of me as i am, think that guys think about sex all day.

it seems so stereotypical, but doesn't it? those poll results was very reassuring to me, since i felt like there were only a select few in the world with pure souls. haha! which is why i only like one guy in our school. otherwise i'd probably be drooling over half a dozen dudes who are just easy on the eyes.

i fear the the worst has come.

the worst? what is the worst, you say?

i live for no nothing any more. my life has come to a complete standstill because i give up. i don't feel like fighting for that grip anymore. i'm tired and lazy and my no-care attitude has climbed. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?

well...
i'm tired about me and matt. i've worked so hard, i'm nearly at the climax...but i haven't got the strength to lug my body those last couple meters up to the peak. i don't care and hardly even talked to him today. maybe it's just today.

i feel like my life is just another teenage cliché. i go to school, come home, do homework, get online and talk with my teenage crush and my bffs, go to sleep. man. don't you wish you could just lift yourself up out of this thing?

holy crud. that reminds me. the Bible! duhhhhh.
i need to get back into the routine with my Bible. i feel uber stupido now. see, blogging really helps. :D

it seemed like before this, i've had this ever-constant battle going on inside of my brain, this little thing going on between what my conscience, what the Holy Spirit, and what the devil is telling me, like that kronk thing with the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other?

it feels like, "just leave me alone, will you?" (btw, that heavily reminds me of the song (*fin) by anberlin, which is an incredible song, fyi). but i know i can't. i'll have to keep this up. it's a defensive war. i am going to win.

the devil is stupid. >:D

EDIT: PRAISE YE THE LORD.

i just found out that renee yohe, the girl that inspired the entire thing for twloha has given up alcoholism and turned to sobriety BECAUSE of her discovery in Christ Jesus. she said so! oh God, thank You for being the Almighty. i love You so much. thank You, thank You, thank You.

i'm listening to the summer set.

because i freaking love them.

sunday. i'm super bored. i need to go find something to do besides eating and watching movies. i got online because i have this extremely bizarre hunger that eats at me like an drugee's addiction towards cigarettes (or other substances, but i don't want to have anything to do with that) to get online. ooooooh, not good.

that reminds me, about the drugs thing.
i wanted to see how many people would read this and see if it inspires them as much as it inspires me: a perfectly good reason why you and drugs creates an explosion.

matt and i were chatting a while ago about some of his favorite musicians, like jaco pastorius, and we eventually got into how they died (his addiction to substances made him loony and got beaten up by a bouncer). he told me how he found drugs incredibly horrific and couldn't imagine why people would use them.

i asked him if what happened to his favorite musicians was why he hated drugs so much. he said yes after he thought about it, since it never occurred to him why he wants nothing to do with the stuff.

just hate it. hate it. hate what it does to people you've seen, hate what it can do, hate the cause/effect relationship that it deals with. hate everything to do with it, hate what is has done to your favorite musicians or actors or athletes.

just hate it. i know i do.

a lazy saturday.

this is probably the first saturday in a half a year when i don't have a hectic schedule. it feels very bizarre, and since i usually have something to do today that's out of the house, i can't really find much to do except clean the house and take pictures of the flowers in my home. the pictures turned out pretty good for my amateur skillz, thanks to dad's uber expensive professional camera.

last night me and a couple of friends sat down and watched gone with the wind for extra credit in social studies, since we're studying the civil war. we had this attitude that we were going to watch it and be serious, interpret it and know what it was about.

we ended up prank-calling people about half an hour into it. XD

the movie was okay, but it could have been better if it wasn't so ridiculously long. i tried reading the book over the summer, but it was just...torture. no way jose.

my lips are chapped. :(

it was the first thing that popped into my head, and since coming up with witty titles is not my thing, i guess it will have to suffice.

i had a math quiz today about quadratic equations, and i'm okay-confident. i mean, i finished it, and i checked my work. but something is making me queasy...

pi day is tomorrow, since march 14 (3/14, 3.14, geddit?) is on saturday. i said i would bring it pie, but i completely forgot and publix is closed now. i hope no one comes after me. i'm terribly sorry!

right now, i'm trying to figure out how to divide square roots. they were never really my thing. we learned this last year and i can't remember how to do it. man, don't you hate that? xD

today was the last day of the semester, and the new semester begins tomorrow with new schedules and lunch classes (i get to sit with matt! <3). i wonder if i'll have another connections class with him, which would be UBER SWEET. i had art with him this semester, so i doubt it, but who knows?

parker young is inspiring.

ever since i started exercising my freakishly good stalker skillz on knate young, i realize that i want to be like a person who goes by the name of parker. parker young, who lives in manhattan, comes from tampa, and is knate's older brother, twin of pete and one of the oldest of seven young kids.

like i said, i have mad stalker skillz. o.0

i was reading his xanga blog (which can be reached at xanga.com/parkeryoung; simple enough) and noticed how he posts not about his life, but what influences it and what is helping him become a better man. sometimes it's not always "becoming a better man" like the vid he posted of a dog who violently twitches in his sleep (EL. OH. EL.) and his liking towards floridians, not because he is one. but you should check him out, he's a pretty neat guy.

he posts everyday, so everyday when i get home from school and get online, i do my ritual: check email, check facebook, check george hincapie's twitter, and now...parker young's blog. he posts everyday, so it's something i look forward to. he's such an amazing character. i want a big brother like him. {:)

so, i feel that i could probably post everyday. no one comes here, but i don't think everyone goes to parker's blog anyway either. i think that posting everyday, i'll get a clear overview of what really goes on in my head.

so anyway, i was thinking the other day about how on so many of those questionnaires they ask you what your favorite song is and i always reply, "so many songs..."

but i realized today that maybe, or for at least for the current days, i think that my favorite song might actually be miserabile visu. that song still gives me the spooks and i can't even listen to it at night or i'll think something will jump out at me, but...it so deep. i dunno, it kind of inspires me.

also, i highly admire william t. sherman for his plan to take the march through georgia and burn everything. highly creative and highly effective. nice work, general. we're studying the civil war in social studies, which is actually pretty interesting. i like WWI and WWII better, but studies about war periods are quite fascinating.

math=music.

i have real problems with math. you would think that after all of this time that i would think to study more and harder prior to upcoming quizzes and tests; i prepare and prepare and prepare...and get c's. hate my life.

so i started talking to my dad about my troubles concerning mathematics, and that i can't seem to get a grip, no matter how hard i reach. i got so frustrated at myself and math and everything to do with it because i don't have problems with any other subject. everything's perfectly dandy except that.

but then after a minute of silence, dad says, "you know, renee. there are so many misunderstood people out there. math is the same way. it was meant to be beautiful and fascinating, the way numbers work together and harmonize themselves. people have somehow turned math into a monster."

now that i realize that, i feel so sorry for this branch of study because it doesn't seem to get much slack. i think that i've turned math into a monster in my own mind is because of my surrounding atmosphere, that people say it's hard and i think that it must be. dad's a chemistry buff and understands math, and i want to be like that. to be like that person in your class that just...gets it. you know? it's so irritating that no matter how hard i try, it doesn't work.

i think my attitude towards the poor thing needs to change. i think everyone's perspective just has to change, and that numbers really do work magic.

new post.

i am about to change this blogger skin because it has been the same for over a year, and it's driving me nuts! i like change; change is good.

so i got a wikipedia account because there were anberlin articles so out of date that it was outrageously crazy, and i decided to perhaps fix them myself, which wasn't bad. it's kind of pathetic that i can actually write articles about bands.

so then, i was looking at anberlin's wiki page and was reading it, about their christian orientation and them as a "christian band." is seems kind of stereotypical, you know? the way people put music into genres and say, "this is indie, this is alternative, this is heavy metal..." why can't it just be music, and let us all enjoy what is does for all of us?

especially with "christian rock." some people hear the word and scrunch their noses in distaste. don't you wish people wouldn't give it that name, because it's kind of excluding, if you know what i mean. it sounds like, "oh, you're not a christian, you can't listen to this music." i don't really listen to christian music all that often, in fact. i listen to music performed by christians. idk if you catch my drift...

as people, songwriters write about who they are and who they've influenced. and as christians, their faith is naturally going to come across in their music. it's not necessarily praising Jesus Christ, because, i mean, we have normal lives too. but once again, it comes across. like flyleaf. they aren't trying to write about their Savior, but as believers and writing about who they are, they will sing about it. and relient k. and anberlin. and ivoryline. and hawk nelson.

i love what knate young said about his faith. he said with interviewers that he doesn't mind being called a christian band because he is a christian, that he is a follower of Jesus Christ and doesn't understand why bands get confused with that question. he says he gets the question, "is anberlin a christian band?" and he replies, "yeah, we are -- as humans."