unfortunately, to draw hearts in my eyes would be to cliche.

so i've reconsidered where my teenage job will be located at.

best buy.

heaven, baby. heaven! it has movies and music and electronics galore, and to think, if you worked there, you would most likely get a discount on all merchandise. all the movies and music you wanted, o. my. gosh.

plus.
okay, yeah, i did notice how many cute guys are at best buy. have you noticed there are way more decent guys there than at the mall? pff! isn't that something. so not only will i get discounts on my favorite stuff, but be able to look at cute guys all day. *sigh*

I actually feel beautiful.

haley, amanda, and i went to a nice mall today that was more oriented towards adult, sophisticated fashions (but not something like lenox or fifths avenue). haley is this like magician with makeup (seriously, i'm not even kidding), so she took us to the mac and perfume counter at macy's to get glammed up.

we first went around the perfume counter and sampled all of them. of course, i have to get a couple sprits of daisy, and amanda really liked the harajuku lovers stuff. haley likes some prada perfume, but they didn't have it out for sampling (probably because it's uber expensive, haha :D).

then we went to the mac counter, where haley set to work on me. she used this glistening eye shadow and eyeliner, and then this lip makeup (i'm actually not sure what it was, gloss or lipstick...), but it was a little intense, so i wiped that off. i kept the eye makeup, and just gawked at haley's handiwork. then she did amanda, and then herself.

haley said i actually looked pretty, and so did amanda.
i liked how she brushed my cheek bones with this glittery stuff. it looks really nice.

so then, we went to the food court to catch up with my mom, then to dsw shoes, where we tried on heels and boots for fun. i found these really, really pretty ones that i loved and just walked around. and then boots, and i couldn't take them off they were so comfy.

we went back to the mac counter because we decided to buy some, and haley said she was proud of me for spending something on myself this holiday season. xD

i got brown eyeliner, which looks similar to the red one haley used initially for my look. she used eyeshadow, but i figured i wouldn't be able to afford the shadow and the brush, so i didn't get it.

but, i actually feel beautiful. like, for once in my life, i feel confident about my facial features. does makeup do that to you or is it just me? so sad how i feel so brave, but have nowhere to go with this look. but i love it.

i feel strong.

creeeeeeeperrr.....

okay, so there's this guy named tay.
he's a white gangster.
yeah, you know those kids? yeah, i try to avoid them.

so anyway, he's actually pretty funny, but i keep my distance. during the classroom eliminations for the spelling bee, he and i were in the last two, and we battled quite heatedly, and i won. he's a good sport, and congratulated me for winning.

since he is runner-up, he goes to the school spelling bee too. the spelling bee was today, but yesterdy, while i walk past him in lunch, he says, "spelling bee's tomorrow." :grin

what could i do? be mean? i wished him good luck with a smile.

then today, during the spelling bee, he asks me where all the eighth graders were (since he and i were the only ones so far), and i just kind of sat next to him, but not really? i didn't want to be mean, since he hadn't done anything to me.

so then, the competition. woo-hoo, last like four. he got out, so he was on the ground level, below the stage, and he asked me if i was nervous. i said i was shaking, trying to be friendly (almost too friendly).

i win. so during the pictures, he walks up to me, says congratulations in my ear, and wraps his arm around me.

i must say, i did like it. i like hugs.
but don't touch me, you creeper! i hardly know you. :|||

My God

this is for archival purposes. i don't remember if i posted this before (i probably did) but just in case, i need to put this somewhere where i won't lose it and i can remember where to look for it:

I kept thinking that God was supposed to come out of nowhere and fix everything.
But then I realised that God doesn't come upon you; he dwells inside of you. And hopefully I can get in touch with that.

this is by my friend madee, who constantly struggles internally with the christian faith and if it is for her. i love how she tries and is trying to change her lifestyle.

Go About Your Business, There's Nothing to Read Here

no, seriously. click next blog. :D
just here to blog again about mayday parade because i'm emotional. again.

i seriously could listen to mayday forever.
i could lie in a field of grass, by myself, with an ipod chock full of mayday and a battery that never died (now wouldn't that be nice?) and listen till my heart gave away. it would be better if like matt was there with me, but hey...he doesn't know.

i mean, i can't relate to what most of their songs are about, but...how can i feel like i can? like when you're listening to them, you feel like that person who derek tells everything to, like jason is mine. i tell him everything, i have told him my deepest secrets. idk if derek has one, but you feel so connected when you listen.

and i like how they write their songs. it seems so simple, but so structurally sound at the same time. like a suspension bridge or something. :/

when i hear their music, it feels like music should never get any more complex than that. not like their music is easy, it's incredibly difficult. but like i said, you can listen. you can...understand. does derek host song-writing workshops? :pant

i wrote DEREK SANDERS! on my social studies essay. let us see what my teachers says. xD

ANBERLIN!!!!!

what a n00bish title.

so hay. i saw them on thursday. i almost cried when we had to leave, it was one of the best nights of my entire life. i had a convo with chris kamrada of there for tomorrow, christian mcalhaney looked at me and smiled, and i got to poke christian from there for tomorrow's kneecap. :DDDDD

so now i'm on an anberlin itch now.
or, i want to be, since now that i look back and see all the songs i haven't listened to yet, i smack myself on the head and go to youtube. and that they're almost the best stuff i have ever heard (after relient k).

what's kind of amusing to me is, you know how funny and immature stephen christian acts? he writes songs like (*Fin) and Miserabile Visu.

BTW, speaking of Miserabile Visu, that song gives me the creeps.
Any talk of the book of Revelation and all that makes me want to crawl into a corner and cry. Dear God, protect me, save me. It's an extremely powerful song, but it's got this haunting aura to it since it's about the devil...etc. DD:

suicide song phase...again

remember when i was deeply in love with "don't jump"?

"lullabies" by all time low has been the song for my evening. but i can hardly listen to it, because it makes me weep, and homework is best without tear stains blotching the pencil. gaskarth did good, once again.