I finally know what to write about.

11 December 2010
I was in a foul mood that day, coming out of my last class of the day. I usually am in a foul mood at the end of the day these days, anyway.
I closed my locker and started walking towards the stairs, and I noticed him at his usual spot, at his locker, shuffling through some stacks of books and contemplating which ones to take home that day. He usually does this, and I usually say, "See ya," before he says bye with a smile.
I said nothing that day. My heart clenched as I began to pass him.
But, oh, how dare he.
My nerves were set on fire when he turned around and started talking. "Did we have any AP Bio homework?"
I stopped, said nothing, irritated, but shrugged. I wasn't sure if I succeeded, but I was trying in all my best efforts to set my eyes ablaze to his horror. I doubt it worked, because as I turned to keep walking, he said, almost in a desperate plea, "Wait, don't go."
Or was it, "Wait, don't leave"?
Just those few simple words left my heart, its place in my chest, feeling like it got pressed under a hundred pound weight. You know all of those cliches about people saying they can feel their heart breaking? It's not cliche, it's real.
Don't leave? Don't. Leave?
Leaving is for those who want to escape. Who want to no longer be around a person anymore. To forget something. Usually something painful.
How dare you even sound like you still want to be around me when I used to think we could have been the best couple ever? How could you "break up" with me because I am not a track star and drink soda and fall asleep in class. I'm sorry, I really am.
Just take me back. For those six months or so, I felt like I was wanted by someone of the opposite gender. Now I feel so hopeless I could cry. When I clenched my teeth at your so-called desperate plea, it wasn't real. I clenched my teeth because I wanted to fall into your arms and never feel offended again. I want you to still want me. Just anyone will do.
I wanted to say, "Don't leave? What do you want me to do, then?"
And I wished for him to say, "I just…wanted to talk with you."
"Talk about our futures and hopes and dreams and goals until the sun sets? It would be an honor."
Of course, it never turns out this way.
"You break my heart." - Demi Moore, St. Elmo's Fire.

i have identified some of my favorite words in the entire world:

Damascus

aesthetic

plus, i really love the word combination of 'sc' in words, such as oscillating and scenery. i would probably fall in love with you if you wrote a poem profusely filled with words with 'sc' 's.

don't let dreams always be dreams.

saturday night.
i have joshua morrison, a notebook, and my favorite dessert.
what peace.

i have another blog!
my journalism class is creating them to out some thoughts + feelings. visit me and me pals.

finally, a day off.
Jesus Christ makes me glad to have a beating heart, a free mind, and the best of friends + family.

I REALLY LIKE SMALL CHILDREN. I WANT ONE.

last day of summer.

sophmore year, here i come.

blegh.